A Little Sad

I decided to stop breast feeding.

It’s been something I’ve been going back and forth on for the last few weeks. I really have enjoyed that bonding time with my Lai (except the time she bit me on BOTH sides), and it certainly is easier at night.

Alas, it has been more stressful, than anything, the past couple of months.

Last month, I was in the hospital for 2 days. Essentially 3, if you count the emergency room time (and I’m fine now). That disrupted my schedule of nursing and pumping. It’s hard to pump when you’re constantly on IV meds. When I returned home, my supply had dipped. It was hard to get it to increase. And trust me, I’m well aware of fenugreek and brewer’s yeast and mother’s milk tea. Tried it all. And all my mommy friends are like, “noooooo! Don’t give up yet.” But I’m tired.

The other thing is, it’s just hard to pump twice during the work day. I had two scheduled times. We only have one room, and all the mothers have to share it. I have spent the last few weeks battling to get up there. People always schedule meetings during the time I should be pumping. I would end up working through lunch to make up time I missed. Or working late. Or I’d get up to the room late, and have to hurry up so that I didn’t disrupt another mother’s time.

All that to come home with 3 or 4 little ounces.

I definitely wanted to go to a year, but we’ve made it to 10.5 months, and that will have to be ok. One thing motherhood is teaching me, is to work on being more flexible about my plans.

The first 5 months of her life, she had nothing but breast milk. Months 5-8 she had breast milk and solids. The last couple of months she’s been supplementing with formula. Luckily, she has taken to it and not had an adverse reactions.

In a perfect world, she would’ve not had any manufactured formula. Alas, that’s not the world we live in. That’s the part that makes me a little sad. I never wanted to give her formula.

But I figure, at the end of the day, what’s best for Lai is to have a mommy who is not stressed out (not about this, anyway).

So that’s that.

Tomorrow I will email our ops person and tell her to take me off the list, so that another mommy can have my scheduled times in the room. The official end of the breast feeding chapter.

Enjoying the Silence

On Saturday, CH had a JROTC event at a grocery store here. I had to drop him off, since HH was gone to the gym. And because he waited until an hour before he had to be there to ask for a ride. But that’s a whole different blog…

Anywho, we got dressed and headed out. I got to the store and as I was putting Lailah in the stroller, I realized I forgot my phone.

At first I was like, “oh, crap. Hope HH doesn’t need me for anything.” But then, it was kinda nice. I felt untethered. No beeping and notifications for email, chat, text messages, etc. 10 second panic that I wouldn’t have my app for St.arb.ucks, but then I realized I always have my gold card in my wallet.

We left the store and went to pick up my Rx that the hospital had called in. I think we were gone for about 90 minutes to 2 hours. It was kind of nice.

Have you ever forgotten your phone at home and panicked? Have you eve unplugged on purpose to enjoy the silence?

Randoms…again

Hey y’all! *blows dust off the blog*

So much has been going on. I’ll try to summarize.

• Lailah is 9 months old. What the heck? How did we get here? Her personality is feisty. She got my hangry gene. Poor baby. She’s trying to crawl now. Her bottom teeth are pushing through. At her doctor’s appointment yesterday, the doctor noted that her top front teeth are trying to erupt. We were so focused on the bottoms, we didn’t even see the tops!
• I got a promotion at work. However, with us being down people, I really can’t enjoy it. 4 people just came back from a mandatory home office visit, so hopefully they can start receiving claims.
• because it’s so crazy, I am on stay-cation next week. I could feel myself about to go DEFCON on someone, so I knew I had to take the days. I just need to make it through this week.
• emotional eating has been kicking my azz. We will not discuss the amount of Ben & Jerry’s, cookies, or anything else I’ve eaten over the past few weeks. Just know that that’s why I look like the Stay Puft Marshmallow (Wo)Man in all my pics.
• One of my eFriends is on a challenge, issued by her doc. In addition to specific food choices, she has to try to get 30 minutes of exercise every day for the next 7 days. Given the bullet point above, I decided to join her. I need this weight loss to happen.
• I know cold turkey won’t work well for me, so I’m not following her diet plan to a T (read: I’mma still eat occasional cookies. But I did change my Sbux order from grande to tall). I am trying to incorporate more fruits and veggies. I won’t even tell you how much I spent at Harris Teeter on fruits, veggies and frozen fruits for smoothies. But WalMart veggies leave something to be desired.
• The Boy is back. He is currently known as The Boy because of some shullbit he pulled before his return, costing US $212 for a new plane ticket. I’m mad just thinking about it. One of my eFriends said we should make him move cinder blocks back and forth like the Jacksons had to do. So tempting. As she is fond of saying, “blended families ain’t for the faint of heart.” She ain’t neva lied.
• Lailah is really attached right now. I read that is common at this age. She screamed bloody murder when the doctor took her from HH yesterday. When we’re at home, she’s more attached to me. She could spend the whole day with HH, but the minute I come in from work, she wants me and if I don’t get her she has a breakdown. I think this hurts HH’s feelings a bit. He looks a little sad as he’s handing her over. I’ve assured him that in a couple of years she will be a Daddy’s Girl and then my feelings will be hurt. LOL
• As far as my weight loss, I have to do it carefully, because Lailah is still breast feeding. I’m excited that we’ve made it to the 9 month mark. When she bit me a few weeks ago, in my head I heard New Edition singing “Is This The End.” I sent a frantic text to a fellow breast feeding mommy, and she told me what to do to correct that behavior. So far, we are back on track.
• HH gets an extra week of vacation starting in 2015. Yay! Maybe we can go on a trip.

What’s new with you?

Dear Dad

This time three years ago, I couldn’t sleep. Of course, for a vastly different reason than having a baby on my bladder. I was worried about you. When I left you in the hospital that night, I was scared that you would not make it to Fra.ncis Hou.se.

I was right.

You left us peacefully, in your sleep, around 7:00am. We were going to move you at 9:00am. I knew you did NOT want to be in that hospital, but we couldn’t take you home. The doctors had given you 2 weeks, but they rarely are able to pinpoint it exactly. It was just a guess.

It seems crazy that it’s been 3 years. Lots of happy events have come our way since then. Granny is 101! And she’s still the most sarcastic one on that side of the family. Aunt Shirley and Aunt Betty have been checking in on me. When I talk to them, it’s like talking to you sometimes (especially when they imitate your voice and phrasing, lol).

I was watching Y and R with Mom yesterday, and she wanted to know why Victor was still alive. Seriously? LOL! I told her how we used to talk about Y and R and Victor’s shenanigans. I’m so glad you survived dating her in the teen years, even though she admits she threw your engagement ring at you several times. Thanks for hanging in there, or I wouldn’t be here.

HH is a great husband. I don’t know his exact conversation with you in the hospital three years ago, but I feel like he made some promises and he is living up to them. He makes me laugh at least once a day, and we are just focused on making our way through life together.

I was hoping that your youngest granddaughter might make her way out today. But, as I’ve learned, there are some pieces of life I just can’t control. However, if you want to have a chat with her, feel free. 🙂 Meanwhile, I’ll let Mom take me on another walk today (translation: I will go walking with her so that she doesn’t get lost again. LOL)

We all miss you, and sometimes I want to pick up my phone and call you. Your number is still in here. I can’t bring myself to erase it yet. I will, at some point. I just wanted to check in before this day gets cranked up.

I love you!

Let’s Play Catch Up

Hey peeps! Time has been flying by, and I haven’t been too anxious to blog. I have been venting on twitter as needed.

I had my shower on 10/19 and we had a blast! I missed having my sisters and mom there, but my aunts drove up from Savannah. It always feels like my dad is around when they are there. We’ve started organizing everything, and just need to finish putting things away. I need to get to the thank you cards as well.

Mom got here on 10/27. I was kinda hoping Baby H would be early, but this chick is yet holding on. No thinning, dilation, nothing. Straight chillin in the womb.

Speaking of, we’ve hit a little snag with gestational thrombocytopenia. In plain English, that means my platelet counts have dropped. Why does it matter? Well, none of the anesthesiologists at the hospital where I’m delivering will give me an epidural if my count is below 100K. I’ve been to the hematologist for testing and started taking prednisone at the end of last week.

Let me tell you about prednisone. It is the devil. I have been having headaches since I woke up Saturday morning. Matter of fact, just one long azzed headache. Today it was so severe that my head hurt any time I moved it off center. HH came home and ran up to hug me and hit my head with his torso and I just started crying. He immediately determined that he would drive me to the hematologist and to work.

I just leaned my seat back and took the ride. When we got to the doctor’s office, the nurses all wanted to be chatty about my due date, etc. and I was not in the mood. Can’t you see I feel like death warmed up?

The phlebotomist took my blood sample and I think she thought she bruised me because I just sat there with my eyes closed and tears streaming down. Like, I could not stop crying from the pain. And the more I tried to stop myself, the more they fell (I really hate to cry in public).

They took me to the exam room, and the nurse came in and told me she was waiting for my results, and I nodded my head. Then she asked what was wrong and what she could do to help. I know I burst into what had to be the UGLIEST cry of 2013. It was probably fugly. I choked out how much my head was hurting and how I’ve been having these headaches since Saturday. She told me she’d check with the doctor, but she suspected it was the prednisone.

Stupid medicine.

She came back and said that he said it was indeed the meds. So I asked her, “well do we at least have some results for all this pain?!?” She told me my platelets had gone up from 95K to 97K. Womp Womp! 2K? But I guess that’s better than nothing.

My dosage has been dropped from 80mg to 60mg, and I’m hoping that will help. We left, and HH stopped at the store to get me some Tylenol. By the time I got to work, it seemed to be kicking in.

Everyone at work wants to know when I’m going to stop working. Problem is, if I am not written out medically, it will eat into my time. So I have to talk to my doc about it Thursday. If she doesn’t write me out, then I will be in there doing the bare minimum next week as well. *sigh*

Or, Baby H could just come on in the room. Because we’re certainly ready to meet her. 🙂 plus, being on prednisone slows her movements down, and that sort of freaks me out. I’m sure she’s tired of me eating/drinking cold stuff to make her move. Nerve wracking.

I have enjoyed pregnancy up to week 38, but I am not going to be disappointed if she comes out before the 16th.

So, now we’re caught up. Hope everyone is doing well. I hope the next time I check in, it’s to tell you that she made it here safely!

It’s JUST The Internet…

But sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it’s more than that.

A few years ago, my then co-worker/new friend Serenity23 told me about Twitter. I remember asking, “well, what do you do? How do you use it?” She told me to sign up and see. So I did.

Of course, I knew of no one on there, so she sent people my way, and I started following people that I interacted with on her timeline. It just blossomed from there. There are honestly some peeps on there that I cut up with or talk to more than friends I know in “real life” ( in person? Not sure how to break that down. But y’all know what I mean. LOL)

When I’m talking to people who don’t tweet, they don’t get it. And some who do don’t get it, because they don’t form the relationships with folks where you know about their spouse, their kids, the issues that are important to them…etc. And that’s fine, but I prefer my version of Twitter-dom a little better. In my world, things like this happen:

• Dinner meet ups when you travel to a city where your tweeps live
• Parenting advice
• Folks getting together to do good deeds for others

Let’s talk about that last one. That’s where it becomes more than “just the internet” for me. When my dad passed away in 2010, I got a beautiful flower arrangement from a group of “tweeps.” My family asked, “who are those from?” And when I explained, they were mostly surprised. Like, people you never met in person sent you flowers?

Yeah. Yeah, they did.

So, yesterday, I came home to my husband buying me some tires and rims (lol), but also sitting in the garage was the stroller/car seat travel combo from our registry. I fell asleep and didn’t open it, but today that was my first order of business. HH didn’t see why I had to open it now and had all sorts of “why’s” about the situation. Really dude, just get the stuff out the box. Who argues with a pregnant woman?!? Do better. LOL!

But Babies.R.Us didn’t repackage the box. They just slapped a mailing label on it and mailed it. So no invoice or gift message was to be found. Booooooooooooooo! I tweeted about having HH pull all that stuff out only to realize there wouldn’t be an invoice, and how I wanted to be able to thank whoever sent it and let them know it arrived.

Then Bewitched0181 shows up in my iMessages (lol) and spills the beans! I laughed and cried all at the same time. Happy tears, of course. Y’all already knew these hormones got me on edge.

So Baby H & Family would like to say thank you to all her Twitter aunties who contributed to her being able to ride around the town in style! It is immortalized on the blog, so one day she can read about how so many people loved her before she even got here. 🙂

Bad Blogger

Not like Bad Santa and Bad Teacher, though.

I have been MIA! So sorry, guys. I haven’t been posting, or commenting on other blogs. Life has jumped up and bit me in the booty, so I’ve been a bit distracted. So many things are coming up this year. I promise to expound later.

We still want to buy a house this year. We’re less than impressed with CH’s high school, so buying a house will include moving to a different school zone.

It’s been almost a year at my current job (3/26). Which means almost a year since HH drove up here to propose! So much has evolved in our lives. We seem to be settling into a groove,for now. You know what happens when you get comfortable with life – it throws you a curve ball. 🙂

In the meantime, I’ll try to throw some meme posts in here, when I don’t have anything to expound on.

Happy Thursday!

Wordless Wednesday

Bish, BOO. Bye!

I’m trying to do 2013 a little differently. I have some friends who have been really rubbing off on me, with regard to choosing to be happy and looking for the good things. One of the things I resolved to do is not post a lot of negative things on FB. Not that I posted a ton, but I’d rather use the page to joke around, catch up with old friends, and the like, rather than a “woe is me” platform. If that’s what someone else chooses to do, that is their page to do so. I won’t go on there and try to change their minds. I will hide them from my feed, or if its too much I will just in-friend them all together.

When I say I’m happy about something, I truly mean it. This morning, I was reflecting on the current status of my life and I was pretty darn happy. Great husband, great job, great friends. Shoot, this morning when I left the house, I didn’t even get stuck in traffic and the hammer lane stayed relatively clear for my whole commute. AND I got to work and a space was open in the first row of parking spaces! Winning, right?

So anywho, people are replying to my status (I had asked folks what they were happy about today), generally having a positive experience, and then here comes Evilene.

Someone I went to school with years ago, who rarely has anything positive to say, the few times she is on FB. When she first posted her comment, I took it in a negative way. However, I asked her to explain what she meant, in case I was wrong.

I wasn’t.

I had a lot of snarky stuff I could’ve said to her. Seriously. I coulda lit her azz up. I took the high road, told her I was done, and then proceeded to block her.

Bish, boo. And goodBYE.

Why, man? I’m convinced there are some people out here who are so entrenched in negativity, they don’t know any other way. When they see people being happy, it’s a totally foreign concept, and they think it’s fake. That’s pretty sad. And also not my problem. I’m only responsible for what I post. I’m not responsible for your reaction to it – you are.

And the thing is, I would not have been upset or offended if she removed me from her friends list. Hell, I probably wouldn’t have even noticed (it’s time for another culling of the friends list). You have control over what you are exposed to, online and in life in general.

I will not be surrounded by the Evilenes of the world. I hope you choose not to be, either.

When I Need to Laugh…

I go read “And that’s why you should learn to pick your battles,” , aka Beyonce the Giant Metal Chicken.

Beyonce has her own FB page, apparently. This is a classic. LOL