Browsing on FB, I came across a status my loctician/friend wrote. She said she was learning about compassion. Another friend had told her that even though she practices a “tough love” approach, not everyone can handle it. One of her friends commented and said that the Golden Rule is to treat people how we want to be treated, but the PLATINUM rule is to treat people how they want to be treated. People want to be loved in their own way.
After reading that, it made me think about the 5 love languages, and a conversation/disagreement that HH and I had earlier in the year. It’s no secret that I have baby weight I want/need to lose. I have not reached my “breaking point” where I just buckle down and do it. I have to get there in my own time. He has some weight he wants/needs to lose as well.
Week before last, he announced that he wanted to go to the gym in the mornings, Saturday through Wednesday, so he could be consistent. I said ok. Occasionally on the weekends I just check in with him to see if he’s going, and I inquire about his workouts. That’s about it.
He, on the other hand, feels like I should want him to be involved in my weight loss. He basically ended up policing my food. I couldn’t eat ice cream in peace. Or cookies. I finally had to tell him to stop doing that. He seemed hurt, like “but as your husband that’s my job to help you!”
Yeah, no. I know when I’m carrying weight. I’m the one who buys my clothes. Who tries things on and realizes I have a totally different body now. I don’t want or need you to do that. But I realized that he wouldn’t mind if I do that to him. I’m just not that person.
I think it’s hard to remember this. I’m sure that I spend my time communicating to people the way I think they should hear it, vs what may work better for them.
Do you find that you treat people the way you want to be treated, or the way that they want to be treated?