A Little Sad

I decided to stop breast feeding.

It’s been something I’ve been going back and forth on for the last few weeks. I really have enjoyed that bonding time with my Lai (except the time she bit me on BOTH sides), and it certainly is easier at night.

Alas, it has been more stressful, than anything, the past couple of months.

Last month, I was in the hospital for 2 days. Essentially 3, if you count the emergency room time (and I’m fine now). That disrupted my schedule of nursing and pumping. It’s hard to pump when you’re constantly on IV meds. When I returned home, my supply had dipped. It was hard to get it to increase. And trust me, I’m well aware of fenugreek and brewer’s yeast and mother’s milk tea. Tried it all. And all my mommy friends are like, “noooooo! Don’t give up yet.” But I’m tired.

The other thing is, it’s just hard to pump twice during the work day. I had two scheduled times. We only have one room, and all the mothers have to share it. I have spent the last few weeks battling to get up there. People always schedule meetings during the time I should be pumping. I would end up working through lunch to make up time I missed. Or working late. Or I’d get up to the room late, and have to hurry up so that I didn’t disrupt another mother’s time.

All that to come home with 3 or 4 little ounces.

I definitely wanted to go to a year, but we’ve made it to 10.5 months, and that will have to be ok. One thing motherhood is teaching me, is to work on being more flexible about my plans.

The first 5 months of her life, she had nothing but breast milk. Months 5-8 she had breast milk and solids. The last couple of months she’s been supplementing with formula. Luckily, she has taken to it and not had an adverse reactions.

In a perfect world, she would’ve not had any manufactured formula. Alas, that’s not the world we live in. That’s the part that makes me a little sad. I never wanted to give her formula.

But I figure, at the end of the day, what’s best for Lai is to have a mommy who is not stressed out (not about this, anyway).

So that’s that.

Tomorrow I will email our ops person and tell her to take me off the list, so that another mommy can have my scheduled times in the room. The official end of the breast feeding chapter.

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The Platinum Rule

Browsing on FB, I came across a status my loctician/friend wrote. She said she was learning about compassion. Another friend had told her that even though she practices a “tough love” approach, not everyone can handle it. One of her friends commented and said that the Golden Rule is to treat people how we want to be treated, but the PLATINUM rule is to treat people how they want to be treated. People want to be loved in their own way.

After reading that, it made me think about the 5 love languages, and a conversation/disagreement that HH and I had earlier in the year. It’s no secret that I have baby weight I want/need to lose. I have not reached my “breaking point” where I just buckle down and do it. I have to get there in my own time. He has some weight he wants/needs to lose as well.

Week before last, he announced that he wanted to go to the gym in the mornings, Saturday through Wednesday, so he could be consistent. I said ok. Occasionally on the weekends I just check in with him to see if he’s going, and I inquire about his workouts. That’s about it.

He, on the other hand, feels like I should want him to be involved in my weight loss. He basically ended up policing my food. I couldn’t eat ice cream in peace. Or cookies. I finally had to tell him to stop doing that. He seemed hurt, like “but as your husband that’s my job to help you!”

Yeah, no. I know when I’m carrying weight. I’m the one who buys my clothes. Who tries things on and realizes I have a totally different body now. I don’t want or need you to do that. But I realized that he wouldn’t mind if I do that to him. I’m just not that person.

I think it’s hard to remember this. I’m sure that I spend my time communicating to people the way I think they should hear it, vs what may work better for them.

Do you find that you treat people the way you want to be treated, or the way that they want to be treated?

Questions and Answers

Stole this from Miss Mile High’s blog. 🙂 Some questions, along with my answers.

Do you prefer (interior) doors open or doors closed in your home?

I like the doors open. I think it gets stuffy if you close them. I also like a lot of light. HH will close them. Especially if the room doesn’t get much use. When CH was in NY, his door stayed closed the entire time. When no one is using the guest room, he closed that as well. I don’t like it because it makes the hallway dark.

How do you divide the household tasks?

CH has a chore list, which he tries to have amnesia about. He is supposed to clean the second bathroom, since he uses it the most. HH and I just kinda do what needs to be done. He may be a bit junky/cluttery (is that a word? LOL), but when he cleans he does a good job. He’s great at keeping the laminate floors swept and clean. We both clean the kitchen as needed. I’ve been boycotting cooking because lately when I’ve come home from work, there are always dishes in the sink. Dishes that HH and CH have used and didn’t wash. I don’t have time to be cleaning up the kitchen BEFORE I cook. That’s a pet peeve. Not to mention, cooking with an attached 9.5 month old who hollers whenever you’re not in her line of sight is a bit much. But anywho…

What’s the best book you’ve read recently?

I don’t even have time to read. Yet I continue to download free and discounted eBooks from Book Gorilla and Book Bub. *sigh* Weekends used to be my reading time, but with HH working on weekends, and no daycare, it’s me and my Lailah. Alas, no reading. I haven’t a clue how I’m going to study for my SCLA designation, but I will get it done.

Do you play any games on your phone or tablet?

I play Words With Friends and Scramble With Friends on my phone a lot. My nieces got me playing 2048, and one of my eFriends got me on Threes, but that one is harder than 2048. On my tablet I play a word game called WordStorm. I used to play Angry Birds a lot, but I’ve lost interest. I also play a game called Word Welder.

Winter, spring, summer or fall?

Fall! I love the leaves changing. And the fact that it’s not Upstate NY, so I can enjoy it without freezing outside. The maples here are changing already. Fall is also the time I got married and the time Lailah was born.

Weekends to go, go, go or to relax? Or a combination of the the two?

HH works. I can’t “go” a lot unless it’s some place I can take Lailah. So it’s kind of a combination of the two. I may take her to run store errands and to the park, if it’s not sweltering. It makes me sad that HH works all weekend. I don’t look forward to weekends like I used to pre-baby and marriage.

Do you love your job? Hate your job? Look regularly?

I loved my job when I started two and a half years ago. I had a great manager. The work load was super manageable. Now, I have a manager who makes me feel bi-polar, because I go back and forth between tolerating her and sometimes actually liking her, to wanting to choke her out, Spreewell style. The biggest thing is that they were slow to react when we lost people this summer, and us reps are paying for it. Everyone is overworked and tired. I definitely don’t love it. However, it pays the bills. And you also don’t know if switching jobs will take you out of the frying pan straight into the fire. I get emails dang near every day that a certain company is hiring. Had a coworker leave and go there in July. I’m not ready to go just yet.

Maybe I should start playing the Powerball and MegaMillions…

OK – your turn! 🙂

Enjoying the Silence

On Saturday, CH had a JROTC event at a grocery store here. I had to drop him off, since HH was gone to the gym. And because he waited until an hour before he had to be there to ask for a ride. But that’s a whole different blog…

Anywho, we got dressed and headed out. I got to the store and as I was putting Lailah in the stroller, I realized I forgot my phone.

At first I was like, “oh, crap. Hope HH doesn’t need me for anything.” But then, it was kinda nice. I felt untethered. No beeping and notifications for email, chat, text messages, etc. 10 second panic that I wouldn’t have my app for St.arb.ucks, but then I realized I always have my gold card in my wallet.

We left the store and went to pick up my Rx that the hospital had called in. I think we were gone for about 90 minutes to 2 hours. It was kind of nice.

Have you ever forgotten your phone at home and panicked? Have you eve unplugged on purpose to enjoy the silence?