Transparency:
openness, accountability, straightforwardness, candor
“the new government aims for better transparency”
On Saturday, my friend Steph babysat Lailah (a whole other blog post, lol) while I attended my friend Tinesha’s seminar. It’s part of a series of seminars entitled “Spread Love.” This one was about living a life of transparency.
The seminar was co-facilitated by Tarsha (pronounced Tar-Shay) Hamilton, who is the wife of An.thony Hamil.ton. Both ladies are phenomenal. They opened up by talking about their life struggles earlier on, and how they’ve both learned to be transparent in discussing the issues. Tinesha talked about her battle with depression, and how she has to learn how to process anger and deal with emotions. Tarsha talked about having lost family members to AIDS, the stigma attached, and how they did not discuss it openly when she was younger.
As an ice breaker, we each had to fill out a “Hello, My Name Is _______” page in our booklets. You have your name, how you found out about the seminar, what you hoped to take away from the seminar, and one thing you wanted everyone there to know about you. We switched papers with our neighbor, and we had to introduce each other. Several people mentioned that they wanted to find the balance between being transparent and just revealing everything.
I took a ton of notes while Tinesha and Tarsha were speaking, but I don’t have them with me right now. I also sent out some “live tweets” on statements and ideas that resonated with me.
The portion of the seminar that had the biggest impact with me was when we all shared a secret. I had flipped ahead in our packet (I can’t help it, it’s who I am, LOL) and saw the page entitled “Shhhhh…it’s a secret.” The directions were to write down something about you that was a secret. Everyone did, and then they were placed in a box. You did not have to write your name.
I don’t know about everyone else in the room, but that exercise was scary, humbling and freeing all at the same time. First and foremost, I know that putting things in writing make them real for me. And then I have no choice but to deal with them. Secondly, whenever you reveal something about yourself, you don’t know whether or not you will be judged. However, I obliged and wrote a secret on the paper, folded it up, put it in the box, and waited.
Once everyone was done, Tinesha passed took the box around to different people in the room, and each one pulled out a slip and read it. At first, there was mostly silence, and some gasps or sounds of sympathy.
And then it happened. One of the women was brave enough to speak up and say, “that one you just read, that was MY secret.”
And then another woman. And another. And each time they stepped up in the spirit of transparency to reveal themselves, great dialogue ensued. Offers of help and support were made. They were brave. There was no scorn or judging, just nods of sympathy and SUPPORT.
What I realized was:
- We all have a story
- A lot of us have THE SAME story…we just don’t know it
- Transparency can lead to getting the help/support you need
- Our stories are often the reason behind our decision making, in all areas of life
- I have a few awesome friends
I don’t think that the point was to share everything with everyone. Of course, you have to be discerning regarding who you share your life with. But I think a good first step is being more transparent with the ones you love.
Are you transparent in your life? Do you think you could’ve written down your secret and then claimed it during the seminar? How do you think being more transparent would help you?
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Cohabitation Chronicles 
No I am not very transparent in my life. While with a bunch of friends once one of them said to everyone else: You won’t know anything about Neauxlah until she wants you to know. It still holds true to this day. The fear of judgement, the lack of closeness and trust on my part has definitely kept me quiet about almost everything..
I can understand that. There’s a couple of things about me that very few people know. The top of that list is my BFF. First and foremost because I trust her, and also because in sharing we realized we had some experiences in common that we never would’ve know about, had we not shared.
I’ve been judged and had ‘friends’ throw stuff in my face, but I found that my transparency weeds out the trash. First, if a person can get past their discomfort with my revelations and then, if they don’t treat me different then I usually have a keeper.
That’s true. It will definitely change your circle for sure. Which is actually a good thing.
I’m very transparent. I think it started due to bring raised by my grandmother. Everyone’s OK with folks having a deadbeat dad, but deadbeat parents? So I started early when folks would think they were dead and I had to correct. Then I realized that, as my former blog was titled, my life is my ministry and I shared more. I could probably share a secret that no one in the room knew but not one that most in my inner circle don’t know.
I’m really transparent. Even more when I want to prevent someone from going down a path that I have gone down. Great post.
People say I’m transparent on my FB page. I don’t see it, but whatever. I’m too old for the foolishness. I don’t think I have secrets anymore, at least I hope I don’t!