Hard. Like, sobbing, snot-filled tears.
I was trying to lay down and rest. HH was with me, as he needed to rest for work. All of a sudden, I just started crying and could not stop.
He grabbed me and hugged me and asked, “what’s wrong? Talk to me.”
People, I had no idea. I had had a convo with my mom that was slightly irritating, but nothing major. I just had a general feeling of anxiety and being overwhelmed. So, that’s what I told him. He just held me, rubbed my back until I could calm down.
Then uttered his new favorite phrase: “you need to get some rest.”
To be fair, I don’t know how many hours of sleep I was operating with. Probably not many. The ol’ “rest when she rests” sometimes proves easier said than done. Sometimes she’s resting and I’m wide awake and cannot force myself to sleep. And – of course – when she’s fussy, hungry, or just wanting some skin to skin time, I feel dead to the world. Right now, I am not giving her a pacifier or bottle until we have our follow up with the lactation consultant. So all meals are on me, literally.
Back to the ugly cry. I cried so hard that my eyes were swollen and it looked like I had an allergic reaction to something. I think that alarmed HH, so he immediately became the Rest Police. He gave me a pain med for my surgery site, and sent me to bed. Baby L had just laid down. When he left for work, he had mom come in and stay with me so that whenever Baby L woke up, I just had to feed her. Mom changed diapers and burped her and rocked her back to sleep as necessary.
And I got some rest.
This has been our routine for the past couple of nights, and it has worked well. Except last night, because after the 3:45am feeding, mom and I ended up staying up talking. Oops. Don’t tell the Rest Police.
But on Tuesday? I definitely cried.